Sober Gratitude

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”
(Psalm 116:7)

The nurse waited while I emptied my pockets and unloaded all my accessories onto the chair next to the scale. My phone, my key, my wallet, and my apple. As I took my shoes off, I anticipated her telling me that I didn’t need to, but I wanted an accurate reading. And I got one.

I’d like to think that I don’t tend to wear my heart of concern on my sleeve during doctors’ visits, but when I saw the number on the scale, I instinctively threw my head back and let out an audible ugh of discouragement.

103.4. An unsettling, underweight number that has stubbornly dug its heels into the ground for the past year and a half of my life.

When I initially walked into the doctor’s office, I had started munching on a large suncrisp apple, and took a few more bites while the nurse was reviewing my list of meds. At one point, she needed to step out to check on something. When she returned, I was in the middle of another bite, and she said, “Boy, you’re really intent on that apple, aren’t you?”

I know – not quite the epitome of sensitivity for a trained nurse to say to an underweight patient. But I’ve regretfully made my share of insensitive comments in life. All of them inadvertently made, but nonetheless, some doozies that sadly make hers pale in comparison. The upside? Her insensitivity didn’t make my world crumble! Without skipping a {distraught} beat, I simply said, “Well, when you’re 103 pounds, you do what you gotta do.”

Aside from my fragile weight, the follow-up appointment was a positive one – including blood pressure coming in at normal range for the first time in years. {YAY!!} But my weight left a trail of deep discomfort in my soul.

On my way to the appointment, I had been running a few minutes late. So when I found a parking spot smack dab in front of the main entrance, I thanked God for His mercy because it was just what I needed! Well, little did I know that He would use that parking spot to meet a need that went far beyond convenience. Little did I know that God had reserved a front-row seat for me to witness a sight that would rein my perspective back in check.

Because after the appointment was over, I walked back out to my car. And while I was still in park, I saw a woman being wheeled out of the building on a stretcher. With two large, familiar straps to keep her body secure, and a very uncomfortable-looking neck brace. Friends, that sight really took me back. Because as many of you know, not too long ago, I was that woman. Helpless and strapped to the stretcher, asking nurses to place saltines in my mouth because I was too weak to do it myself.

And there I was, seeing this scene from the other side. Sitting independently in the driver’s seat of my car . . .

Oh, how I felt for this woman. How I prayed for her. For God’s presence, for His mercy, that He would bring beauty and life out of the helpless, painful circumstance that she was in. And I prayed for the man waiting with her. I prayed until the ambulance came and hoisted her inside of it.

And God brought this thought to mind: I may be 103 pounds, but I can walk. I can drive! I can FUNCTION!

And as He so often does, God offered me several opportunities all around the same time to embrace the same Truth. It’s almost as if He speaks to me in themes many times. And this time, the theme was:

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”
(Psalm 116:7)

Because just a week before that appointment, I was embracing my son in his sleep, tears streaming down my face as I wept and prayed for a family in our church whose son was missing. (And has since been found!)

And just the day before my appointment, I walked into our pediatrician’s office for the first time in a while, and the receptionist commented on my weight, saying that I looked like I’d lost about as much weight as she had. I told her that I was recovering from a health crisis, and asked if she minded my asking why she had fallen underweight. And she replied that her husband was killed in a car accident . . . She said it so matter of factly that I didn’t know if I had heard her right. So I clarified, asking WHO it was that was killed in a car accident?
Her husband.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”
(Psalm 116:7)

So yes, I have lost weight. And yes, it can bother me. But these things I know to be true:
~ The Lord has been very good to me. VERY good.
~ And my weight is worthless compared to the infinite value of gaining Christ, Himself. And being found in Him. (Philippians 3:7-8)

It’s not weight I need to gain; it’s Christ.

As I've shared before, I often miss out on radiant treasures right under my nose while struggling to grasp for something lesser. I urge you, sweet souls -- don't miss the radiant treasures along the painful journeys. Don't miss the ways that God reveals His glory to you. Don't miss out on HIM.

I invite you to spend a moment in worship here by sharing just one way that He has made Himself known to you amidst the heartaches of life. One way that He has been good to you. So that your soul may be at rest – once more.

~ ~ ~

Linking up with Joy in this Journey's Life:Unmasked, Shanda Oakley's On Your Heart Tuesdays, and Getting Down with Jesus

Salve of Truth for the Wounded Soul

10 Steps for Applying Truth to an Onslaught of Lies (Part 2)

In my last post, we talked about how our souls are constantly bombarded with hurtful lies. And I shared the first 5 steps that I’ve found helpful when surrounded by these lies. So if you missed it, be sure to read that first (by clicking here).

Those 5 steps we can apply to any lie, whether the pain of a lie is directed at us, or among the steady drum beat of damaging lies from our culture. But these would be particularly-helpful next steps for the times when we are managing the pain of a lie personally spoken to us. And as I was writing these posts, it became clear to me that these 10 principles span far beyond the offense of a lie. For these are really principles that we can apply to pain of ANY kind in a relationship.

These 5 steps are where the rubber meets the road, friends. At least for me. But if the first 5 principles help stop the bleeding caused by a lie, these last 5 are the salve the Lord applies to our wounded souls, fostering healing and redemption.

Beauty for ashes.
Peace for despair.
And freedom for our souls from the burden of a lie.

6. “Show me the log!”
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”
(Luke 6:41, 42)

The Message uses the analogy of dirt on the face instead of wood in the eye, and I like the way it translates verse 42:
“It's this I-know-better-than-you mentality again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your own part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”

And if that doesn’t paint a bull’s-eye on my forehead, I don’t know what does. Whether we’re facing a lie-stained speck or any other hurtful speck in a relationship, it’s so critical to ask the Lord to search our own hearts amidst it all. Because if we don’t, we leave our souls vulnerable to having our pride take hold & take our eyes off Jesus. And pride only speaks a language of lies, friend. In my own experience, there’s always a log. Usually – an entire forest . . .

“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.”
(Ps. 139:23, 24)

7. Forgive.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
(Col. 3:12-14)

Only 29 pages into Dan Allender’s book, Bold Love, I was impacted by his powerful observations and insights on forgiveness:
“After years of being bludgeoned by others’ misguided advice and by our own misinformed conscience, we are too weary, hesitant, or angry to enter the true battle toward forgiveness that brings life. The forgiveness of God means little to us, and forgiving others seems like leaping into an abyss of further harm . . . ”

He goes on to explain that forgiving love “enters the fray of betrayal and brokenness with a bold, courageous desire for the kind of reconciliation that redeems all the Evil One’s efforts to destroy” and that it’s the “inconceivable, unexplainable pursuit of the offender by the offended for the sake of restored relationship with God, self, and others.”

Forgiveness isn’t just for the offender’s sake, friend. It’s a gift from the Lord that also heals the hurt done to your soul and mine. But again, forgiveness starts at the Cross. Because without Jesus, we are simply unable to enter what feels like an “abyss of further harm” and genuinely forgive.

The more I come to an understanding of the ugliness and utter depravity of my sin nature, the deeper appreciation I have for the forgiveness that is mine in Jesus. And the more primed I am to freely offer that grace to others!

“It is His forgiveness that is central to any movement to love after love has been trampled.”
- Dan Allender, Bold Love

Forgiveness is HARD. It certainly isn’t natural. And that's precicely the beauty of it – it offers us the opportunity to behold the supernatural, God's glory working in and through us.

8. Pray for them. In fact, ask God to bless them!
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”
(Matt. 5:44)

I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard those verses so many times that I can easily gloss over them. But it doesn’t take more than a moment or two for me to plug in practical applications to my relationships, and quickly realize that putting these into practice seems downright impossible! Bless those who curse me? Do good to those who hate me?

Once again, Jesus is calling us to do something that only He can do through us. And as John Piper once said,
“Faith looks to Christ, not self, not even the new self.”

With God, all things ARE possible. And in Christ, we can, in fact, do all things {yes, even seeking to bless those who are ugly to us!}. But only through Him who gives us strength.

I read a neat blog post recently about Job 42:10, which says,
“After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.”

Lynn Cowell points out that God redeemed Job’s experience AFTER he prayed:
“After Job prayed. After Job had prayed for the very friends who ground his heart in the dirt during the most trying time of his life. After he had been accused time and time again of having a unrepentant heart. After he prayed for those who had offended him, the Lord gave.”

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."
(Rom. 12:14)

9. Give thanks.
“In everything, give thanks.”
(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Did you notice that it doesn’t say “for” everything? . . .
Last year, I heard a phenomenal message from my old pastor, Mark Willey, who shared Habakkuk’s choice between joyful surrender and bitter rebellion. And I was so taken back {in a wonderful way!} when he pointed out that “sorrow and grief are not incompatible with joy.” I felt as if the very reminder of the permission we have to experience sorrow and grief – gave my soul incredible cause for great rejoicing.

He explained that we can experience joy IN our suffering, as opposed to feeling like we need to thank God FOR our suffering. It’s a joy not only in what God will do through the adversity, but a joyful celebration of Who He is!

So does it sting when we hear messages that are so counter to Truth and Grace? Does it grieve us when we are falsely accused by close friends like Job was?
Sure it does!

Do we feel violated when our friends claim with their words to love us, and then like Judas, act as if they don’t?
Absolutely.

But can we run to the Cross and discover an inexpressible joy because our Refuge cannot be shaken? Can we honestly give thanks amidst the pain and bleeding of our souls?
Yes, friends. I believe we can.
God's Word tells us we can!

“I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”
(Job 42:2)

10. Walk in freedom, not bondage. And let your words breathe life to others.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
(John 8:32)

God freely offers us His grace, His mercy, His compassion, His freedom. But He never forces us to receive His gifts. The depths of our souls experience the fullness of His attributes – when we choose to receive them. Therefore, freedom from the bondage of an onslaught of pain and lies is oftentimes a simple choice, my friend.

A choice to run toward the Cross, instead of away from it.
A choice to embrace Truth, rather than let our minds be filled with toxic lies.
A choice to bring Him our pain, instead of attempt to bear what we were never intended to bear.
A choice to receive His comfort, rather than allow more walls to be built in our souls.
A choice to invite Him to humble us, even though our pride-filled flesh resists.
A choice to forgive, even when we don’t feel like it.
A choice to bless, even though we don’t think they deserve it.
A choice to give thanks, even when sorrow seems to overtake us.

These are the choices He offers us. Choices that can only be made as we behold Him, trust that He is who He says He is, trust that we are who He says we are in Christ, and surrender to Him in the moment-to-moments of life.

“So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.”
(Romans 8:6)

“If we are going to be treated unjustly, and even hurt unjustly for Christ’s sake, and yet bless our adversaries and pray for them, then our natural obsession with self-preoccupation and self-infatuation and self-exaltation must die. But that death will accomplish nothing by itself. It must be replaced by Christ-preoccupation and Christ-infatuation and Christ-exaltation. That’s what faith is: beholding and embracing the all-satisfying treasure of Christ.” – John Piper (Feb, 2005 sermon)

Precious sojourner, in what area of your life do you need to ask the Lord to pour out His salve of Truth on your throbbing, wounded soul? . . .
Draw near to Him, sweet soul. And you can count on Him to draw near to you.

~ ~ ~

Happy to be linking up with Faith-Filled Fridays

Image courtesy of Boaz Crawford

Screaming Lies & Whispers of Truth

10 Steps for Applying Truth to an Onslaught of Lies (Part 1)

"Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.” (1 Peter 3:8,9)

Every day, your soul and mine are bombarded with lies. Lies about how to fulfill our deepest longings, lies about what dictates our worth – and whether it’s stable, or comes and goes like the ocean tide. Lies about the purpose of relationships. Lies about who God is, and who we are.

Sometimes we can spot ‘em a mile away. Like dark clouds looming up the road. And so we do a u-turn and high speed the other way – or at least brace ourselves for the storm to come. And other times, they arrive unexpectedly on the doorstep of our hearts. Explosive devices camouflaged in seemingly-innocent brown paper packages.

So I want to share with you 10 things I have found helpful in processing my response to the influx of lies this world doles out. Is this a formula? Nope. As with anything in life, the only “formula” is to align ourselves with the Truth of God’s Word, depend on Jesus to live out that Truth, and follow the Holy Spirit’s leading from moment to moment.

To offer you a little more time to digest these principles, I’m just going to share 1-5 today. So be sure to come back for 6-10!

1. Start with the Cross.
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t.” (Rom. 7:18, NLT)

In every circumstance we find ourselves, we must always start with the Cross. In other words, we need to completely surrender our will and our self effort to the full lordship of Jesus. With nothing held back. Because without the Him, we are unable to live within a context of Truth, and respond to life appropriately.
Without Him, we are powerless.

God has been reminding me lately that the purpose of the Gospel is not only to save me from eternal destruction, but also to save me from the daily destruction of self. Because when I don’t start with the Cross, my pride strangles out humility, and I end up putting myself on the throne of my life, instead of God. And that causes further damage to my soul, and my relationship with Him.
Not my will, but Thine be done.

"I've been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives within me." (Galations 2:20)

2. Recognize a lie for what it is.
Sometimes lies are obvious, and we know to just schlep ‘em off. But sometimes they’re wrapped in pretty packaging with our favorite color. Full and complete with a bow. And so we’re enticed, and don’t even recognize them as lies. After all, how could something so good, so beautiful be an agent of destruction? . . . (Alas, the questions that began in the Garden still continue today, don’t they?)

Whether you spot a lie right away, or realize it after thinking on it for a while, don’t be afraid to recognize it as sin, a grave offense against the holiness of God. Just remember, my friend: It’s a violation of God’s perfect law – not yours.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged.
Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

Again, it’s imperative that we start with the Cross because on our own, we {subconsciously} believe that WE are the offended Judge. And when we do that, the warm glow of gospel grace sadly becomes cold in our hearts, and leaves our souls frozen in bitterness.

On our own, our vision is distorted by the log in our own eye.
On our own, we can easily mistake personal conviction for biblical Truth.
On our own, our pride subtly buys into self-centered thinking under the guise of passionately pursuing righteousness and Truth. And love is derailed. Oftentimes unknowingly.

Been there. Done that.

3. Don’t listen to the lies. Listen to Truth.
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Cor. 10:5)

We often think about our obedience to Christ in terms of our actions, but did you catch what this verse says? Our thoughts need to obey Christ! Have you ever thought about it that way?

To do that, we need to bring them to Him. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And allow them to be under His control, not ours. We need His strength to think hard on Truth amidst the battles of our souls.

But oftentimes, we willingly receive lies and put them on like a comfortable old pair of shoes. I know I do. But you don’t have to put them on, friends. Clothe your soul with Truth instead.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
(Romans 12:2)

4. Bring Him your pain.
Our souls were created for Truth, not lies. For freedom, not bondage. For life, not death. And so our fragile souls grow weary of the oppression of the constant borage of lies. To that, He beckons us to come:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28)

5. Receive His comfort, His words of life.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:15,16)

Jesus is no stranger to the Enemy’s attacks, friends. In fact, He is acquainted with them far MORE than you or I will ever be. He understands the intensity that develops in the human heart when a lie is spoken. For He is the One against whom all lies are ultimately directed. He knows, friends. And He is near.
Always.
Whether your feelings agree or not.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Ps. 34:18)

Recently, as I was trying to hear the whispers of Truth amidst a steady flow of criticism, a friend of mine offered me these life-giving words . . .

In Christ, you are loved. You are accepted.
You are loved and accepted right where you’re at,
right where you eat,
right where you think,
right where you live,
right where you sleep,
right where you laugh,
right where you cry,
right where you are afraid,
right where you trust,
right where you fail,
right where you see His success through you,
right wherever you are
and wherever you aren’t
and whatever you are or aren’t doing.
You are just LOVED.
And accepted!

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

So when you’ve lost the strength to even hang onto Truth, it’s okay, friend. Because in Christ, Truth is hangin’ onto you! Whether we are faithful or not, He IS.

What lies are you buying into today, friend? Lies from the world? Lies from your own mind? Maybe even lies from a friend. Bring them to the Cross, sweet soul. And leave them there.

“You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy.”
(Psalm 16:11, ESV)


Continue the journey with me by reading Steps 6-10 of Applying Truth to the Onslaught of Lies (by clicking here).

And I invite you to join the Truth in Weakness community on Facebook by clicking here. You can also sign up to have each new blog entry by Truth in Weakness delivered directly to your In Box by entering your e-mail address in the column to the right. Looking forward to continuing the journey with you!

~ ~ ~

Honored to be linking up with Joy in this Journey for Life: Unmasked Wednesdays!


(Image courtesy of Cameron Burns)

Getting Rid of the Lines

Fifteen years ago, I went on an interview for a writing position in center city Philly. After my interviewer had spent some time looking through my portfolio, she laid one of my pieces on the table in front of me, and asked if there were anything I’d change about it.

Now it’s important to note that this was many years before God reached out His hand and offered me the sacred opportunity to begin finding freedom from my perfectionist thinking, and walk through life authentically with Him. So in that season of life, I was well versed on interview tactics, such as how to answer the “What’s your greatest weakness?” question in a strategic manner that would essentially highlight a strength. Exude confidence without sounding arrogant – I knew the drill.

And when it comes to my writing, I’ve always been a perfectionist. Not just with the words, but with their context of design and presentation as well. Even since I’ve started blogging, I’ve had to try very hard – to NOT try! (Oh yes, God surely smiles when I have those conversations with Him. Frequently.) So like any other piece of mine, the piece that my interviewer laid on the table I had certainly worked through with a fine tooth comb ad infinitum.

But there was something about the way I designed this piece that seemed like a stellar idea when I started, but ended up being something I didn’t like at ALL when it was wrapped up. My use of lines.

I had created a thick line or bar under each of the subheadings. And during this early season as a writer, my appreciation for simplicity in life began to emerge in my writing. And that meant lots of white space, lots of room to breathe on a page. And for me, it also meant implementing a minimal-to-no use of lines. (I’m actually incredibly line averse now. That's right, I’m quite skilled at going from one extreme to the other, thankyouverymuch.)

So back to the actual interview. When she asked me what I would change about that piece, I broke my own rule {at the time} by revealing my humanity and gave her an immediate answer:

I’d get rid of all the lines.

It was completely out of character for me to be so transparent in an interview. But oh, what a foreshadowing of what was to come. Because you know what? It recently occurred to me that I’m making the very same change here on my blog. I’m getting rid of the lines . . .

In my early posts, like blogophobia and i am the older brother, I got my line feet wet. I had seen other bloggers strikethrough their words in order to say what they really felt, but what most people wouldn't want to admit. And the words in strikethrough always offered me a great “I can so relate to that!” laugh. They still do.

So after feeling a little more comfortable in my strikethrough skin, I found it a handy tool as I struggled to take a retrospective look back on 15 years in The Fixer-Upper Marriage. I was able to share my struggles – safely behind the lines.

And then came my strikethrough frenzy in because pride cometh before the fender bender. Apparently, there was no holding me back at that point. I mean really, just look at it – it’s practically the attack of the strikethrough font! So much wrestling through thoughts and feelings that I shared . . . well, sort of. At a safe distance, of course {behind the lines}.

And I didn’t realize it at the time, but just like the piece that my interviewer laid on the table 15 years ago, that blog entry was the one that the Lord laid on the table in front of my heart, and asked me how I’d like to make my writing better.
Because I started getting rid of the lines.

Okay, so I still pulled ‘em out a couple months later when I shared my less-than-stellar mom moment in flying shoes & dysfunctional status quos.

But for the most part, the lines are disappearing here at Truth in Weakness.
I’m not hiding behind the strikethrough, anymore.

And I don’t know about you, but just like I love lots of white space on a page, I am loving the emotional breathing space that we’re gaining as I step out from behind the lines!
Room to exchange even more freedom together.

But it's hard to get rid of the lines, isn't it? To risk being that vulnerable? Solid yellow lines get cemented into our hearts telling us that we're only safe within the lines (or behind them). So out of fear of our soul colliding with another and ending up crushed in pieces on cold asphalt, we do not cross.

But I've said it before, and I'll say it again:
The best of friendships are based on truth, not pretense, and offer a safe place to be real and vulnerable.

However, I've also reminded us that as we boldly take steps toward authenticity, we are not defined by how others respond to us in our vulnerability. Our identity must be anchored in Christ alone or else this whole transparency thing becomes one big threat.

So what lines are you still hiding behind, friend? In what areas of your life is it hard to let go of the lines? Oh, how I understand. Because I still have my own lines in life. But with my soul resting safely in the loving arms of Jesus, I’m continuing to get rid of them.
One strikethrough at a time.


Linking up with Beholding Glory for Faith-Filled Friday

How to Strangle a Great Marriage

{Ravaged by} Great Expectations

I’ve said more than once that if I could just take all of my expectations and chuck them out the window, I’d have SIGNIFICANTLY less problems in my life. Really, they haunt me in practically every relationship. They suck the very life out of me – and those around me. Some nights they wear me out ‘til I am physically sapped to the core.
Tonight was one of those nights.

I was processing this expectation beast with the Lord, wanting to understand the source of a few of them, in particular – the ones that weigh me down with the heaviest of chains. And why I haven’t let them go yet??
Why do I continue to hold onto some of them when I know that Freedom & Joy await me on the other side? . . .

Like every other married person on the planet, I have dreams and desires for my marriage. Noble dreams! Healthy desires. And so the thought of letting go of them feels like resignation.
As if to show my husband grace by releasing him of an expectation is to throw away the value associated with the expectation, and the well-being of the relationship.
It feels like I’d have to throw away the dream.

“You are a slave to whatever controls you.”
- 2 peter 2:19, CEB

Unfortunately, when it comes to something as important as my marriage, I easily lose every ounce of patience {and perspective} and want results yesterday. So for the sake of time, I repeatedly take matters into my own hands.

Rather than talk to God {the Creator and Sustainer of marriage, by the way} about it first, I go right to my husband {in all my ungracious self-life} and “enlighten him” about the speck in his eye.
And I create relational damage every. single. time.

So when I cling more tightly to good things than to our great God, I put them on a throne that only He deserves. Bright hopes and dreams fade into dark shadows of entitlement. Life and vibrance get strangled out of the relationship.
And I miss the treasure standing right in front of me.

Truth: Trusting God doesn’t mean that we have to lose our dreams and desires.
It means we get to find the very Fulfillment of them!
In the Right Place.

{And the other reality check in all this? Just like I'm needing to entrust my ummet expectations into to the Lord's loving hands, my husband is needing to do the very. same. thing. . . }

Dear friends, do you find it hard to entrust God with your soul's desires, too?
And miss the treasures right before you?


Linking up with these great sites:
The Better Mom Mondays
The Alabaster Jar's Marital Oneness Mondays
A Pause on the Path's On Your Heart Tuesdays
http://www.shandaoakleyinspires.com/
Beholding Glory for Faith-Filled Fridays

Image courtesy of Vincent Zegna

Unable to Pray

I walked carefully up the staircase lined with seated people. Bibles open, eyes closed, heads bowed. Each one pleading for a miracle. Yet making a painful choice of the will to surrender their deep desire for God to spare her life, to the mysteries of the One who gave her life.

In a matter of moments, the still, quiet corridor turned Doorway to Divinity, emphatic choruses flooding the Entrance.
Gutsy petitions boldly approaching the Throne of Grace.
Desperate souls running to the Mercy Seat, begging for her healing.

That afternoon, every inch of their home was an open invitation to prayer. {If I’m not mistaken, it’s the same southern home that still adorns Bible verses on the sheetrock and 2x4s in her handwriting.}

When I reached the upstairs, I began my time in her boy’s room. A sobering place to pray when you’re also a mom of a little boy right around his age. A moment when the challenges of life as a mom instantaneously became pale; invisible, really. And so my prayers joined alongside of hers to plead for the well-being of his tender heart and mind, come what may.

I then walked into their girl’s room, and sat on her dainty chair. And suddenly, I was a little girl, too. Crawling up, saddened, into my Father’s lap. All my uncertainties, all my fears, all in plain view. Feebly lifting my head to whisper a prayer into His ear, asking Him to cover this girl’s sweet soul in His strong grace.

After some time in her room, I came to the guest bedroom, my friend’s mom’s room at the time. Her mom was staying with their family to lighten the load, to walk by her daughter’s side during this cruel invasion of disease. And so I kneeled by her bed and prayed for her. For extra measures of Strength, and Grace, and Comfort. And for my friend's dad. And also her brother.

Then, I stepped into my friend and her husband’s bedroom . . .

At the time, I knew my friend’s husband was faithfully loving her through the extra mile of her disease. But it wasn’t until I watched my own husband carry the weight of the world on his shoulders during my own health crisis that I could even begin to appreciate the kind of deep, selfless love that my friend's husband had given her. And let me be clear: Our journey is of no comparison whatsoever to theirs. But it sure did open my eyes.

I sat down on the floor, leaned my back against the bed, and tried to pray.
And that’s when my wrestling began.

Given the gravity of my friend’s affliction, I was so overwhelmed I didn’t even know where to begin. I just knew that I was in deep anguish for her and her precious family. So I wanted my prayers to somehow carry a weight comparable to the massive weight of their circumstance. I desperately needed my prayers to be effective . . .

As I sat there on the floor wrestling through this with the Lord, He whispered to me.

Stop trying . . .

That wasn’t the first time He had offered those two words to me that weekend. Nor the first time I felt plagued by inadequacy. I longed to reach down to the core of my friend’s being and love on her in ways that would deeply minister to the depths of her beautiful soul. But I felt so very inadequate for the opportunity.

I heard those two words, and I stopped.
I stopped agonizing over my words.
I stopped trying to pray.

But that stopping, it only happened because of God’s mercy to me and His power. Because once I start trying hard to do something, it is incredibly difficult for me NOT try. Usually feels near impossible.

Shortly thereafter, my Father began to lead me by the hand to pray. I don’t even remember what I prayed. But I remember that it was effortless.
Because it was all from Him, not from me.

That sacred afternoon in my friends’ home, God revealed to me that it’s not compelling words that make prayer effective and powerful. It’s the power of the Holy Spirit living and breathing through me, as I cry out to the Father with honest and desperate pleas.

God also reminded me that He is the only One who can reach into the depths of a soul and impact it in ways that human lives never can.
He is God. I am not.
Yes, He will sometimes choose to use me in the life of another. But my part is simply to make myself available. The rest is up to Him.

Just like I needed Jesus to save me from the power of my sin, so I also need Him daily to be my Power in living out this life.
Including when I pray.

“Jesus responds not to the eloquence of our prayers, but to our pain . . .
Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the One who hears it and not the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference." – Max Lucado (He Still Moves Stones)

~ ~ ~

This piece was written in loving memory of my precious friend and sister in Christ, Tara. I am so grateful for the numerous ways that God worked powerfully through her life, and her testimony, to impact my life. And countless others'. It was a privilege to be called her friend.

Thank you to her closest loved ones who gave me the gift of their blessing to share how God continues to use her life, and her passing from this life to the next, to impact my own life.

Image courtesy of Travis Silva
Linking up with Beholding Glory for Faith-Filled Fridays

Soul Love Song

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Jeshanah.
He named it Ebenezer, explaining,
'The Lord helped us to this very point.'”
- 1 Samuel 7:12

Most of you know that God recently offered me a unique opportunity for this blog. Last week, I submitted Truth in Weakness in the Circle of Moms “Top 25 Moms with Inspiring Families” contest. I didn’t find out about the contest ‘til six days before it finished, but I decided {again} to make this blog available to the Lord. And then let Him decide what He wants to do with it.

In those six days, numerous friends and family members captured the vision of extending God’s message of truth and grace to a hurting world by championing along side of me with your support. I am so grateful for that, SO grateful. Whether this blog landed in the Top 25 or not, each of you who advocated reminded me {by your example} that I want to be a friend who never hesitates to cheer another friend on in life.

And I am honored to share that on Wednesday at 7pm, God said yes!
Truth in Weakness came in at #21.

Funny thing is, as it climbed closer to the Top 25, it was harder for me to surrender to the prospect of God saying yes, than it was to the prospect of Him saying no . . . Ever have that??

The following morning, God brought me to a divinely-timed blog post of praise, based on the verse above in 1 Samuel. I had never been to this blog, but clearly, God had led me there. And my soul kept singing the love song of praise below.

Thank you, my friends and fellow sojourners.
I am celebrating Him with my Ebenezer soul!
- Tanya

Come thou fount of every blessing
(by Robert Robinson)

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I'll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I've come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.